What to Say to a Sub Man

What to Say to a Sub Man: A Guide to Effective Communication


Communication plays a crucial role in any relationship, including those that involve dominant/submissive dynamics. When engaging with a submissive man, it is essential to choose your words carefully to establish trust, maintain boundaries, and ensure a healthy and fulfilling experience for both partners. In this article, we will explore the art of effective communication with a sub man, offering guidance on what to say and how to say it.

Understanding the Submissive Mindset:

Before diving into the specifics, it is important to grasp the submissive mindset. Submissive men often seek guidance, structure, and a dominant partner who can fulfill their desires for surrender and control. They thrive on clear instructions, praise, and reassurance. Keeping this in mind will help you approach conversations with a sub man in a way that resonates with his needs and desires.

1. Set Expectations and Negotiate Boundaries:

Open and honest communication is crucial when establishing a dominant/submissive relationship. Before engaging in any activities, it is vital to discuss and agree upon boundaries, limits, and expectations. Initiate a conversation about what each partner is comfortable with, their desires, and any hard limits they may have. Remember, consent and ongoing communication are essential for a healthy dynamic.

2. Use Clear and Direct Language:

Submissive men appreciate clear and concise instructions. Use direct language to convey your desires, expectations, and instructions. Avoid ambiguity and be specific about what you want. Phrases like “I want you to…” or “Do this for me…” can be effective in conveying your expectations while allowing the sub man to understand his role clearly.

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3. Provide Reassurance and Praise:

Submissive men often seek validation and reassurance from their dominant partners. During moments of vulnerability or when they fulfill your desires, offer praise and encouragement. Phrases like “Good boy” or “Well done” can boost their confidence and reinforce the positive aspects of their submission.

4. Practice Active Listening:

Effective communication is a two-way street. It is essential to actively listen to the sub man’s concerns, desires, and feedback. Validate their thoughts and feelings, and show empathy and understanding. This not only fosters a deeper connection but also helps build trust and mutual respect.

5. Encourage Open Communication:

Create a safe and non-judgmental environment that encourages the sub man to express his thoughts, concerns, and desires openly. Let him know that his opinions are valued and that his voice matters. By fostering open communication, you can address any issues or concerns promptly, preventing potential misunderstandings and fostering a healthier dynamic.


Q: What if my partner refuses to discuss boundaries or limits?
A: Open and honest communication is vital in any relationship. If your partner refuses to discuss boundaries or limits, it may be a sign of a deeper issue. Seek professional advice or consider whether this relationship aligns with your needs and values.

Q: How can I navigate difficult conversations about limits or boundaries?
A: Difficult conversations require empathy and understanding. Be patient and provide a safe space for your partner to express their concerns or discomfort. Approach the conversation with kindness and respect, focusing on finding a compromise that works for both of you.

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Q: How do I address mistakes or disobedience without damaging the dynamic?
A: Addressing mistakes or disobedience can be challenging. Instead of focusing solely on the negative, offer constructive feedback and discuss ways to improve. Emphasize the importance of learning from the experience and growing together.

Q: Is it necessary to have a safeword or gesture?
A: Yes, a safeword or gesture is crucial in any BDSM dynamic. It allows the submissive partner to communicate their discomfort or the need to stop without breaking the power dynamic. Agree upon a safeword or gesture that is easily recognizable and respected both partners.


Effective communication is at the core of a successful dominant/submissive relationship. By understanding the submissive mindset, using clear language, providing reassurance, and fostering open communication, you can create a fulfilling dynamic that meets the needs and desires of both partners. Remember, a healthy and consensual dynamic is built upon trust, respect, and ongoing communication.

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